Wednesday, September 15, 2010

You want Nuts? I'll give you Nuts

So it's been a while since I've done anything here. I don't know where you live but around here it was really freaking hot over the summer. Also, over the summer my “target” was gone a lot. This combined with the heat did not lend itself to firing up the oven. I like my skin to stay on most of the time. I'm pretty sure I'm not attractive with it all melted off into a puddle surrounding my feet.

There have been some new developments which led to new motivation.

About a month ago she called me to bring a coffee drink from Starbucks. She wanted to confirm that I liked the Mocha version. When she showed up she came in with two drinks. Mine a mocha frappuccino and hers a BLACK iced coffee. There wasn't even CREAM in it folks.

Me: Why didn't you tell me that you weren't getting one too? I could have had just an iced coffee"

Her: No, that's ok. You know when you hit my age you have to start watching all the calories

In other words: "I'm going to sit here and watch you drink your 1.5 million calorie drink while sipping my 100 calories. Enjoy Fatty."

A few days later she brought a whole plate of lemon bars she had made. She knows that I am the only one who eats lemon in the house. She must have been looking for the home run by piling an extra 2K calories. I ate one and threw the rest out. (Insert clapping here)

This story alone got me thinking of pre-heating the oven. But there was more:

Last week I was on the phone with her and she mentioned making cookies that day. I told her that I was making cookies that day too. Just Toll House chocolate chip. Nothing fancy. Then:

Me: I'm making cookies today, chocolate chip

Her: Ooo, can I have a few?

Me: Of course

Her: Do they have nuts in them?

Me: Oh, usually I don't make them with nuts for the kids

Her: Do you mind making some on the side for me and add walnuts to them?

Me: (thinking- are you kidding me? Not only do you want my cookies, and trust me I want to give you cookies, but you are going to special order them? Like I'm some pre-order cookie bitch?) But instead I say "I don't think I have walnuts"

Her: Can you check?

Me: Going to pantry --I tell her that I have no walnuts only, pecans

Her: Pecans are fine.

Me: Well actually they are pecan halves.

Her: Well then chop them up.

Me: I'm about to chop something up and I can't guarantee it's going to be nuts. Ok. I don’t say that –Just fine.

You can pick up your jaw now. I know. I KNOW!

So I make the cookie dough, scoop out a part, chop and add the nuts. I'm pretty sure I put a healthy amount in. And by healthy amount I think we all know that I mean --abundant.

Success. Later she called and said that she ate all 7 of them.

Wait until you read how I found out about ANOTHER target of hers.